No longer playing it safe

I'm excited to announce that in the next few weeks I will be launching my own website for personal training.  It's taken me long enough.  Baby bird is ready for take off; time to make a jump from the nest & spread my wings!

So, why the initial reluctance?

Sheer fear.  I've been paralyzed by fear.  This anxiety stems from the fact that in order to be successful in the fitness industry you need to market yourself.  I've never been comfortable using social media as a means to promote myself.  This resistance in marketing myself is due to two factors:

1.) Fear of failure.

I've been crippled by the fear that if I offer my services people will not be interested.  When I devote myself to rallying support for a cause, accomplishing a goal of mine, etc, I invest my entire heart & soul into that cause or dream.  Because I go into any given situation wholeheartedly, I expect to see results.  It would be one thing if I was the type of individual who when setting out to accomplish a task, did so gingerly.  This has never been my mentality.  Lack of passion produces half-hearted results, and passion is something I certainly do not lack and never will.

2.) Fear of passing judgement.

I've never been the type to lose sleep over the opinions of other people and their evaluations of me. I've always marched to the beat of my own drum.  But upon further evaluation as to why I've been so afraid to start up my own business, I've concluded that I am afraid of a certain type of judgement being formed.

The reality is in the fitness industry many people have inflated self egos, and think they "know it all."  Talk about a turn-off, especially to those who are wanting to make a commitment to bettering their health and are new to the fitness/gym scene.  I want to be known as a positive, humble, and approachable role model who practices what she preaches, has balance in her life & isn't afraid to admit she isn't perfect!  I've said it time in and time again--I'm not interested in the number of likes I receive from a picture I post on instagram, the number of followers I have on twitter and/or facebook, or for being known as a "hard body."   I'm not seeking out anyone's approval.  I train for me, plain and simple, and it's just the icing on the cake that my passion for training can serve as a vehicle for others to make healthy lifestyle changes. Fame, and pardon my language, all of that other superficial crap, don't matter to me nor does it motivate me in my quest to inspire others to lead healthy lifestyles.  I have no desire to be the next "Jillian Michaels."   I'm simply content in being Megan McGraw, a child of God who has a passion for fitness and wellness, and wants to instill that love of fitness into others.

My real fear is that people view me as just a "body." I don't want to be known for just my physique!  When someone thinks Megan McGraw, I want them to immediately think Christ follower, and gal with a huge heart for people. 

The basis for this fear stems from an encounter I had two years ago.

A girlfriend asked me what my plans were for the weekend.  Without any hesitation she blurted out, "Probably spending all weekend in the gym.  How many hours do you spend there daily, anyway?" I was really taken back by her snide and ignorant comments. I wanted 
so badly to stand up for myself and explain that she was in the wrong; that sure when prepping for a competition in the past I've spent a few hours at the gym, but on a daily basis I am not in the gym for hours at a time.  I train 3-4x a week for an hour at a time, if that. But I held back because I knew her bashing my lifestyle stemmed from the fact that she had her own insecurities in the lifestyle she was currently leading.  

As you can see my fear is warranted, and it's a fear that I'm ready to put on the back burner.  Ultimately people are going to form judgements about you, and in the end the only opinion that truly matters is God's.  He knows my heart.  He knows that I do not think of myself as better than anyone else.

So why the recent change of heart in pushing fear aside and starting up my own business?  To say that this has been a long-time coming is an understatement.  My parents and many of my close friends have been urging me to take a chance for sometime.  But I recently partnered up with a fabulous nutrition company and that has been the real catalyst in my desire to change.  Working for this company has really allowed me to get out of my comfort zone and view myself as a business woman. 

Furthermore, I've had a wonderful mentor who has really given me new insight into what it means to be an entrepreneur.  I had a really good heart to heart with him last week, and his insight brought new clarity.  Like I've said, I derive my purpose/meaning in life to serving others.  I've been so gun hoe on nursing school, and serving others once I become a nurse that I've failed to realize that I can impact lives right now.  And what better avenue than doing it through something I'm passionate about: health and fitness.  God has blessed me with the gift of motivating and inspiring others to become fit and I'm doing him a disservice by not act upon those gifts: If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies (1 Peter 4:11). 

Marienne Williamson once stated, playing it small does nothing in serving those around you:

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are  powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in all of us. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Lord, you designed me with a purpose, and I'm finally ready to cast fear aside, and use those gifts to glorify you.  Thank you for being so patient with a stubborn heart like mine.  Time to let this little light of mine shine!

Tears & faith

Sometimes all it takes is a good long cry to put everything into perspective. Charles Dickens once wrote, “Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” 

Tears don't come in a one size fits all box. They can be the result of immense joy, suffering struggle, pain, or anxiety. The key is to embrace them when they come softly knocking on your heart & not bottle them up.  Don't let society's view on tears deceive you into thinking only the weak cry. There is no shame in crying. In fact, there's a quiet strength released when an individual cries; it exposes the individual to himself. It affords him the opportunity to awaken his soul & grow exponentially. 

Last week was a week of tears & growth. 

What motivational force are you driven by in your professional life? For some it's the label.  Some are more interested in the title behind their name than the actual job itself. Others are motivated in seeking out professions they think will generate the most income. And still for some, the only reason they chose to go into a certain line of work is because they felt immense pressure from their parents..."You'll only be successful if you become a doctor;" "You don't disappoint want to your father, do you? You must follow in your father's footsteps & take over the family business." And then there are the last two categories: people who are driven out of service to the community & people who are truly passionate in a certain line of work & will risk job security in order to do something they are truly happy doing everyday. 

For me it's never been about monetary gain.  It's always been about service. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a cop. I had an autograph book that I would carry around & any time I saw a cop in public, I would run up to him & ask him to sign it. That 5 year old Megan has always defined "success" in terms of serving the community & it is that precise reason why I had a mini breakdown last week. The tears shed were out of sheer frustration & fear that I'm not currently making a difference in the lives of those around me. Why? Because I'm at a standstill in my life academically & professionally. 

I feel like everyone around me is excelling in their professional lives & here I am at 25 years, still living at home, going to school & not working full-time. I feel like I'm waiting for my "real" life to speak to begin. I wish I knew four years ago that God's ultimate call for my life was to become a pediatric oncology nurse. It would have saved me a lot of aggravation & money, but I need to remind myself that God operates on his own time table. I know this transition stage is needed & I need to learn to be more gentle & patient with myself. I know I'm working towards something, something much bigger than myself & this "big picture" is where I also place my hope & faith. 

This week I've been studying the gospel of Luke & Mary has given me new insight into living a life of radical faith.  Although initially afraid & confused as to why the angel Gabriel would appear at her home and declare her the future mother of Jesus, Mary took the angel at his word because he was sent by God....Mary responded, "I am the Lord's servant. May everything you have said about me come true." (Luke 1:38)

Can you imagine being in Mary's shoes? Having an angel appear and tell you that you would be conceiving a child even though you were a virgin? Mary doesn't question God's call for her her life. She offers no resistance. There is no talk of being afraid about what others might label her. She doesn't ask the angel when the she will become pregnant or give birth. She simply trusts in God's word & let's Him operate according to His purposes & time frame.

I need to frame my life with the faith Mary did. I need to let God lead me the way He lead Mary.
Instead of struggling to control the timing of events so they are more convenient for me, I need to let Him take the reign & let events unfold as He sees fit. Nothing frustrates The Lord more when we attempt to manipulate situations. It robs God of who He is, and takes away the wisdom God wants to lavish you with during those seasons of impatience.