No longer playing it safe

I'm excited to announce that in the next few weeks I will be launching my own website for personal training.  It's taken me long enough.  Baby bird is ready for take off; time to make a jump from the nest & spread my wings!

So, why the initial reluctance?

Sheer fear.  I've been paralyzed by fear.  This anxiety stems from the fact that in order to be successful in the fitness industry you need to market yourself.  I've never been comfortable using social media as a means to promote myself.  This resistance in marketing myself is due to two factors:

1.) Fear of failure.

I've been crippled by the fear that if I offer my services people will not be interested.  When I devote myself to rallying support for a cause, accomplishing a goal of mine, etc, I invest my entire heart & soul into that cause or dream.  Because I go into any given situation wholeheartedly, I expect to see results.  It would be one thing if I was the type of individual who when setting out to accomplish a task, did so gingerly.  This has never been my mentality.  Lack of passion produces half-hearted results, and passion is something I certainly do not lack and never will.

2.) Fear of passing judgement.

I've never been the type to lose sleep over the opinions of other people and their evaluations of me. I've always marched to the beat of my own drum.  But upon further evaluation as to why I've been so afraid to start up my own business, I've concluded that I am afraid of a certain type of judgement being formed.

The reality is in the fitness industry many people have inflated self egos, and think they "know it all."  Talk about a turn-off, especially to those who are wanting to make a commitment to bettering their health and are new to the fitness/gym scene.  I want to be known as a positive, humble, and approachable role model who practices what she preaches, has balance in her life & isn't afraid to admit she isn't perfect!  I've said it time in and time again--I'm not interested in the number of likes I receive from a picture I post on instagram, the number of followers I have on twitter and/or facebook, or for being known as a "hard body."   I'm not seeking out anyone's approval.  I train for me, plain and simple, and it's just the icing on the cake that my passion for training can serve as a vehicle for others to make healthy lifestyle changes. Fame, and pardon my language, all of that other superficial crap, don't matter to me nor does it motivate me in my quest to inspire others to lead healthy lifestyles.  I have no desire to be the next "Jillian Michaels."   I'm simply content in being Megan McGraw, a child of God who has a passion for fitness and wellness, and wants to instill that love of fitness into others.

My real fear is that people view me as just a "body." I don't want to be known for just my physique!  When someone thinks Megan McGraw, I want them to immediately think Christ follower, and gal with a huge heart for people. 

The basis for this fear stems from an encounter I had two years ago.

A girlfriend asked me what my plans were for the weekend.  Without any hesitation she blurted out, "Probably spending all weekend in the gym.  How many hours do you spend there daily, anyway?" I was really taken back by her snide and ignorant comments. I wanted 
so badly to stand up for myself and explain that she was in the wrong; that sure when prepping for a competition in the past I've spent a few hours at the gym, but on a daily basis I am not in the gym for hours at a time.  I train 3-4x a week for an hour at a time, if that. But I held back because I knew her bashing my lifestyle stemmed from the fact that she had her own insecurities in the lifestyle she was currently leading.  

As you can see my fear is warranted, and it's a fear that I'm ready to put on the back burner.  Ultimately people are going to form judgements about you, and in the end the only opinion that truly matters is God's.  He knows my heart.  He knows that I do not think of myself as better than anyone else.

So why the recent change of heart in pushing fear aside and starting up my own business?  To say that this has been a long-time coming is an understatement.  My parents and many of my close friends have been urging me to take a chance for sometime.  But I recently partnered up with a fabulous nutrition company and that has been the real catalyst in my desire to change.  Working for this company has really allowed me to get out of my comfort zone and view myself as a business woman. 

Furthermore, I've had a wonderful mentor who has really given me new insight into what it means to be an entrepreneur.  I had a really good heart to heart with him last week, and his insight brought new clarity.  Like I've said, I derive my purpose/meaning in life to serving others.  I've been so gun hoe on nursing school, and serving others once I become a nurse that I've failed to realize that I can impact lives right now.  And what better avenue than doing it through something I'm passionate about: health and fitness.  God has blessed me with the gift of motivating and inspiring others to become fit and I'm doing him a disservice by not act upon those gifts: If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies (1 Peter 4:11). 

Marienne Williamson once stated, playing it small does nothing in serving those around you:

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are  powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in all of us. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Lord, you designed me with a purpose, and I'm finally ready to cast fear aside, and use those gifts to glorify you.  Thank you for being so patient with a stubborn heart like mine.  Time to let this little light of mine shine!